Sunday, July 09, 2006

Inner Bitch

What ito blog world?? I've been gone for a minute, more like 2 months, 10 days, and 21 hours but hey who's counting. I apologize but I had to make up for lost time with out a car by driving the JAG virtually everywhere in the Atlanta metro area. I had to get my summer league team together if you know what I mean. So now that my swagger is back in full effect, I'm ready to start focusing back on getting my blog back to where it once was..

Well onto the topic of today's post.. Bitchalisms... What is Bitchalisms you ask?


Bitchalisms:Any moment where an otherwise heterosexual male displays major signs of weakness.

Now the moment in question took place on Friday evening. Myself and a few friends and their friends all met up at Dave & Busters for some drinking, laughing, and chill type action(aka Club D&B, this place is just about as deep as Visions on a Friday night) The guy in question, I didn't know him but he was my friends cousin who just moved to the A and was with a female. Eventually we all decided to go our seperate ways and then meet back up at MJQ's later on. Well its just me, my homeboy and two lovely ladies posted at the bar. Well one of the females gets a phone call saying that the couple just left got a flat tire.. So everyone thinking, "Damn, that's fucked up." We all assumed they would be straight since ole dude was in the car. Then I look over and I see the female on the phone with her mouth open..

Female Friend #1: Huh?? Ya'll need some help?? Why?
Female Friend #1: He can't change a spare tire??
Simultaneously a roar of laughter breaks out at the table
Female Friend #2: What kind of bitch ass shit is that? He couldn't be my man..
Me:How old is he??
Female Friend #2: 29
My Homeboy: 29.. Damn bruh, you looking like a straight BEEEYOTCH over here!!
Me: Don't worry I know how to fix a flat in 5 minutes or less!

Now as a man there are only a few instances where we get to show our bravery, strength, prowess and display why we are men..
1. Anytime u go to the bathroom and when u come back a nigga is all in your ladies face.. Anythime u don't check him.. yup, you guess it ladies and gentlemen BITCHALISM
2. Anytime someone disrepects you 2 your face and you do nothing... Your right again BITCHALISM
3. If you riding in the passenger side of the car, manage to change the cd changer but can't change the tires.. BITCHALISM
4. Your women tell u to hit it from the back and u cna't stay in there longer than a minute...major BITCHALISM.. In the situation u definetly must show who's boss and rock that...

All though there are many more the premise is, If u can't accomplish any of these feats at the given moment all hope for your masculinity is gone. Cause women love to feel safe with a nigga.




So we dip out and finally get to the car to change the flat. Naturally I stepped up and took the lead. Now at the same time the pressure was on me cause I opened my big ass mouth talking all that shit about how I could change a flat in 5 minutes or less. So all the females is watching intently waiting for me to slip. Now in my head I'm nervous cuz I'm thinking what if I don't crack the bolts off the wheel, or what if I don't jack the car up right.. But I stayed calm under pressure and did it just like I said it would flawlessly. So I ended up looking like a hero. But, instead of ole dude watching and taking notes he's over there on the phone.. Ole fake ass Pretty Ricky Fontaine looking ass nigga.

My Question to All 3 of my readers is "Have you ever been in a situation where a man experienced a BITCHALISM moment and what did you do?

6 Say Something:

TaaaaHaaaa....
My boy cousin, called me on the same shit..."I got a flat, I called AAA"

"Nigga you can't change that shit yoself?" Where you at? I'm on my way..."

I can't blame him, his mama raised him to be a sissy...*lol*

By Blogger Nika Laqui, at 8:30 AM  

LMAO

This was cute. And although we will probably never agree on which SEC teams we should cheer for, I gotta let you know, everything you said here was absolutely on point!! :)

Thank you for visiting my spot! I'll definitely be checking you out again.
Peace!

By Blogger blue butterfli, at 1:40 PM  

yes...me and my first boyfriend were robbed by a skinny negro with a knife...my boyfriend gave up his dough...I told that mofo to get the fuck outta my face with that butterknife...he took one look at me and ran....I felt sorry for the boyfriends...but when we went to store later that day I didn't buy him nofin!

By Blogger DJ Diva, at 7:07 AM  

zeez. this post was hilarious. i'd hope to never be with a man who can't even change a tire. aww. i feel embarrassed for that dude. lol

By Blogger Dayrell, at 8:27 PM  

I was with some friends in the city and a dude tried to jack us for mobile phones and my friends ipod. When I had them translate wtf dude had said, I started laughing uncontrollably to the point where I almost peed myself. The guy couldn't figure out what was going on and I asked him how in hell was he gonna jack me when I come from the country where jackin a fool originated!? I continued to laugh so hard people started to gather and my friend and her bf had already given up their goods. The guy hauled ass and couldn't do anything but laugh... I STILL laugh at my dumb ass friends!

By Blogger JerseyTjej, at 10:37 AM  

Well imma female and can change a tire..just dont prefer too and i thinik a man should...oh heres one...MEN Should pump gas....no women should get outta her car if there is an able bodied man in the vehicle......at times ill be like u pump, ill pay or vice versa but somebody gotta do somethign..BITCHALISM

By Blogger NegroPino™, at 10:03 AM  

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